A lesson in patience

It's taken me a while to write this blog because I was... just a tad bit disappointed. We had not gone in for an IUI for 3 months in a row - prior to November. Missing our chance in early September was our choice because we were getting married on or about the day we would have had to go in for the IUI. Late September was because I received a call from my doctor (the same day I surged) advising me that I needed to go in for a sonogram that day (within 2 hours) in order to be able to do the IUI the next day. I wasn't able to rearrange my schedule that quickly. And then, in October, we were on a cruise during the week of my ovulation. The bottom line is, by late November, we were ready to get back in the game! But fate would have it's own idea...

Where we left off prior to this month, was that my HSG or dye test revealed that my right fallopian tube was not open (i.e. the dye didn't go through). To be clear - no one ever really explained to us what might cause that. So, me being me, I invented my own reason. The sonogram we had done just prior to the HSG test showed a possible cyst (or just a nice-sized follicle - no one really knew) on one of my ovaries. I decided it was obviously the right side and it was blocking my fallopian tube. That being said, in my mind, we were going in for the sonogram in order to make sure that the cyst had disappeared over the past 3 months and the fallopian tubes were now both open for business.

So, on Tuesday, November 23, off we went to the appointment. Sure enough - my ovaries looked great - no sign of a cyst. Just one plump follicle on the right ovary. We were pretty excited! The doctor would call us back that day to give us the green light. So, when the nurse called me back and reiterated that the sonogram looked great - I was happy! However, when I mentioned that my right fallopian tube had been blocked (just to verify my theory that it was good to go now too) - the nurse changed her tune. She "double-checked" my chart to verify that my HSG revealed a block. Then, she let me know that we would need to "just go ahead and skip this month" (AGAIN)! Of course, she didn't seem to think that was a big deal (especially given she probably has no idea it had been 3 months since we tried last). Of course, I was confused and asked for clarification about what would cause a blocked fallopian tube (and explained that I was thinking maybe it would have just cleared up by now). She went ahead and let me know that - in fact - it was VERY UNLIKEY that it had just opened up. Apparently, blocked fallopian tubes may be caused by: a previous infection, scar tissue, pelvic inflamatory disease, or endometriosis (to name the most common causes). But NOT because of an ovarian cyst. Hmmm... seemed that would have been good to know in September when they told me the fallopian tube was blocked! Just a thought. Anyway, putting all bitterness aside (which - in all fairness - my doctor had gone on maternity leave in late September) - I was a little befuddled. Another month? Seriously? Don't worry - I asked, "So what if we wanted to have the IUI - and take our chances that I'd somehow get pregnant anyway?" The nurse informed me that this would not be a good idea because (if anything) - it would end up as a tubal pregnancy (which really doesn't end well for anyone). Damn it!

So, now we have a couple of options. We could schedule another "procedure" in which they try to clear out the fallopian tube and any endometriosis (if present). Then, proceed with IUI's some time after that. Or, we can go in each month and get a sonogram - and PRAY that the follicle is being released on the left side. By the way, isn't it something that even my ovaries favor "the left"?! At any rate, if the egg is released on the left - it would be able to go through the open fallopian tube and have a chance to be fertilized. If it is being released on the right - we have to skip that month.

We've taken a little time to think this over now, and we've decided to take our chances - at least for December. So - if you're bored over the Holidays - go ahead and pray for a dominant follicle developing on my left ovary! :) We should be going back in for the sonogram around 12/26. If my dominant follicle is on the left, we'll inseminate just before the new year.

Just FYI - emotionally, it caught up with me this month. Frustration and doubt definitely started to creep in, leaving me to wonder if this is going to take before we run out of sperm - or patience. Obviously, we can buy more sperm - but how long do we try before we decide it's Kelly's turn? I feel for all the women who are struggling or have struggled to get pregnant. It's only been six months for us (and we've only actually tried 3x) - but some people try for years... and there's like a 90% chance that they don't have another Mommie to fall back on. As the person trying to get pregnant, it's hard to not feel like something is wrong with you (even if you know that is not necessarily rational). In reality, I do understand that life is just not that simple. Likely this is actually setting Kelly and I up to have our baby in "perfect timing". But, being human - doubt creeps in - at times. This was just one of those times.